Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
