Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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