I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
