literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
