Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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