The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
