she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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