she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
