there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
