Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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