Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
