The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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