it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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