I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
