After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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