And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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