help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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