I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dignity is for republicans.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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