im holly from the hills drunk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
