at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize