Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
