Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
