"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
