If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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