I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
