i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
