I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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