I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
