Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
