Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
