apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
