I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
wow bdsm is so cute
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
