I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
