he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
