He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
