You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
