I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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