The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dicks are not precious.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
