so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
