I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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