I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
