She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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