you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
