That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
