Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
