Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
