Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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