I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
