Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
