I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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