Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
