Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
