Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
