ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
