You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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