GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And then he peed in my hair
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