I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
