Christians are straight up FREAKS
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
