This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
