Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

(330): View more from Ohio

I'll alert the authorities

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(713): View more from Texas

if only i could text you this smell

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(702): View more from Nevada

I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.

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(631): View more from New York

Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s

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(214): View more from Texas

I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

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(845): View more from New York

This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.

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(607): View more from New York

since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

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(406): View more from Montana

You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend

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(256): View more from Alabama

I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.

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