This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A+ Viking dick
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
