tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
