If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
