Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
