I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
