the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
