I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
