I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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