what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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