I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
