Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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