Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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