ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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