there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
