its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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