He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
