I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
