apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
