how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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