well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
